January 27, 2016 in My Blog

A kid in my school committed suicide less than a week ago. This was the first suicide that’s happened in my school. The school brought in grief councilors and everything. I didn’t even now the kid, he was only 15. I knew of him, passed him in the halls and what not.

I have friends who were actually friend with him and i spent the day comforting them. But as the day went on I just kept feeling worse and worse. My friend told me that although she has talked about it before he would never commit suicide because she doesn’t want to put us through this.

All I want to do right now is die. And no one can see that. I don’t eve now why I feel this way, like why is this affecting me so badly. I didn’t even know him so technically I shouldn’t be effected. But I am and it hurts so bad. I feel partly responsible. He shouldn’t of died he was only 15.

I just can’t wrap my head around it. No one understands me. And the ones that did left. I’m all alone in this big scary world when i needed them the most.

I’m not okay right now, I promise. Xx.

9 responses to Suicide

  1. Nemo said on May 31, 2017

    This is a very late reply, i know. But for the first time i couldn’t stop myself from replying. It’s kind of funny and creepy how the date that you posted this on was the same day i found out my best friend suicided. Though it happened a year back the same day. When someone decides to take his own life everyone’s life gets affected equally. Everyone dies on the inside. Because you were around, many people were around. You couldn’t stop him. No one could. And it’s not even your fault, but you blame yourself, even if you never knew him you want to change what has happened and thats normal. I like to think though, that people like him, my best friend, and many others are beautiful. They’re too good, too good for this place. But us, we have to live with this. And someday it’ll all be okay, maybe not now but someday

  2. I went through the samething and I didn’t do it right but if I wanted too I would have I did cause there was reason at the time that don’t make since to me right now I should be dead right now but not my friend find me trying to kill myself and I ampeted it again last week and my grandmother find me I have bipolar depression disorder that I’m dealing with and I’m on meds that help with it and it makes me sleepy all the way this bloging writing it helps ease my mind and not get depressed real fast thou

  3. The school can, must AND should have discussed about mental health and…suicide.
    If you deeply feel like they should discuss about it to the students ( I think so too) , you can (if possible) request the school about it……

  4. I have been told I’m empathetic before. I wrote this at the beginning of the school year and things have gotten better. The school seems to have moved on in a way, although the topic is left unspoken. You can tell the school does miss him, and we dedicated a page in our yearbook to him, although this doesn’t seem like its enough. The school still hasn’t addressed the topic of suicide or mental health to the students and I feel like they should.

  5. I know i read you message very LATE….but anyways…
    – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
    i can relate to this somehow……..
    well its not suicide(well almost or…) ….but it is similar…

    People say … or i heard it is known as empathy power or something …. that you feel bad/sad for something even if you dont have role in that … or feel sad for someone else you dont know/care/like …

    Only few people will notice the real you …
    I feel very responsible for everything that happens too….abuse or death or suicide or whatever…
    MY WORDS MIGHT NOT HELP AT ALL BUT STILL… YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIVES… AND COMFORTING PEOPLE IS THE HARDEST THING IN LIFE….BUT I would just say one thing…dont even try talking to them about that kid …and if they do..change your topic slightly slowly or just dont talk about it…just remove their attention from that kid to.. you know..something else…make them happy with stuff they really really really like..(it is hard) or just let them be . It will take probably a really long time for them to get over it…A REAL LONG TIME….
    Dont lose hope on life …just look at the bright side you will see what you are missing in life….
    I agree with you on one thing..that kid shouldn’t have suicided.



  6. Suicide doesn’t choose age. People choice it and if you knew what he was doing you would have stop him but you didn’t know. So you can’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do. If he had you as a friend he would know what he is missing and you would had help him and get him counseling.

  7. its going to be ok i promise ik im late but im new to this but i hope everything turned out alright but its ok to feel bad for somebody i feel bad for lots of ppl

  8. It’s not a sin that you feel bad about someone you don’t know passing. It just shows that you have a big heart that believes everyone has a chance. It proves that your human. Not everything can be stopped, but you can come close. You can help the people in need to move forward with their lives and show them that it’s not a true goodbye, but let them view it as “until we meet again.” You’re not alone, that i can guarantee. You’re strong to hold it in, but how long do you think you will hide it until you finally crack? You’re not showing anyone that you’re weak, but you’re showing a side that shows that you cared for another living being. If there is anything you would like to talk about or in need of any advice, Just message me. I’ll be right here. Ok? Remember, you’re not alone…. 🙂

  9. i am so sorry and i hope that you feel better

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