February 17, 2016 in My Blog

October 31 2014 I met a boy, his name was Adam. We met at a haunted house, he asked for my number so I gave it to him. That was the fist time a boy asked for my number, I was ecstatic. November 2nd 2014, he came over to my house and we watched Frozen together. Later that night after he got home he texted me and asked me to be the Ana to his Kristoff. I said yes. We went to different schools so we only saw each other on weekends. I was happy.

The next time we hung out was at his house,  I had my first kiss that day, I also had my first make out session that day. About a week later he asked me how I felt about  sex. I told him I wasn’t ready for that, I wanted to wait until I was sure the time was right and that it was with the right person. He agreed, “I feel the same way”, and the conversation ended.

The next time we hung out we went to second base, basically for those who don’t know he felt me up. I didn’t really know how to feel, that was the first time that ever happened to me. But I was his girlfriend, I should trust him. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. My friend said it was completely normal, so i didn’t think to much into it. Did I like it? Not really, but he liked it so whats the harm? I was being a good girlfriend.

Things only progressed from there. We only ever hung out at his house and sometimes mine. He never took me out in public, never introduced me to his friends. We did go ice skating one time, but he took me into the locker rooms to make out with me. He also made out with me in the parking lot, where his dad caught us. I wouldn’t let him touch me for the rest of the night. But I noticed something, he liked to do stuff in public. He didn’t care where we were, he was going to make out with me. He sated to feel me up more, in his basement with his grandmother in the same room, in my car with my parents and brother, any chance he had.

I started to feel disgusted with myself. But it was supposed to be okay, guys do that stuff with their girlfriends all the time. One time I told him to stop, so he stuck his hand into my pants and told me I liked it. “I know you like it”. “No Adam”. “Come on we’re just having fun” Then he smiled at me. I made him bring me home after that. I started to make up excuses to not hang out with him. “I don’t feel good” “I’m busy” “Next weekend maybe”.

Soon enough it was April and we were going to his Prom, mine was in May. Our second real date. The only other time he brought me out in public on his own accord. It was terrible. He made fun of me the whole night because I lost weight and my dress was to big. I was playing Varsity Softball, what do you expect. He also got hypnotized that night and flirted with other girls, but can’t really blame that on him.

I tried to make things work, I invited him to my softball games but he never came. I showed up to the place he worked one time and he acted like he didn’t know me, didn’t even say hi when he checked me out. It got to the point where I felt so used I wanted to end it. I talked to my mom about it but not the real reason why i wanted to end it and she told me to wait until my prom was over. So I did. I listened mom.

My prom was terrible. I wanted nothing to do with him. After Prom Party I avoided him, my friends who knew the real reason helped me. But he didn’t mind he ran off on his on. We broke up around the end of May. Over a text message. It ended the way it started through text. My dad was mad I broke up with him. He liked Adam. I didn’t want to tell him the real reason why we broke up. That wouldn’t of went well. He still doesn’t now why, I’ve basically told him why and he doesn’t like Adam anymore.

The sad thing is I love him. Adam was my first love. And I know it was a bad relationship but he was there when I needed someone, but that’s a different story. Also in relation to that story he started to talk to them right after we broke up.

But yeah no offense to the male population but the majority I meet are jerks. I give them all equal chances, and they only want one thing, sex. When will they realize I am more than just an object, I’m a human being.  I don’t want to be used anymore, I don’t want to feel that way again. It was horrible and I don’t want to experience that again. It leaves me wondering if I’ll ever meet someone one who won’t try and use me.


P.S. I’m scared to date, in fear the same thing will happen.

8 responses to Used

  1. you did the right thing and you should wait until you are ready do not let people ever use you like that

  2. I completely get it! ive been used more times than i can count. the good part of it all is im with a really nice guy who loves me and i love equally. yeah get in arguments but thats just life and we r still technically teenagers. he will be 18 in the beginning of Jan. but we are engaged an plan on getting married after my 18th birthday mid Sep. 2017. we have been together 8 months. and he proposed to me on 4th of july. of course we have “done it” but he respects the times when i dont feel like or when im not in the mood. i do the same if he doesn’t. so we have good physical an emotional communication. and just putting it out there, hoping no one judges, but i am 35 weeks and 6 days prego. and we both are happy and cant wait for the new arrival. mostly due to the fact we never had good families or childhoods. we want to do better for our baby.
    The point is u will find someone who wont use u n id he does i believe u will make the right decision. U obviously know ur limits and your values. if u keep thoes n u stay true to them an yourself u will forever be happy. and if the man u choose does not love u enough to not respect your wishes he really isnt worth the time. u will find someone who is good for u and u will love eternally n he will do the same. just make sure the next guy doesn’t pressure to do anything u are not comfortable with.
    if i could go back and keep my innocents i so would cuz after i lost it i didnt feel good about myself and i did allot of of things i really wish i didnt do. that would be the one thing in my life i would want to change. everything else i wouldn’t cuz i learned from it n i stopped and changed it. that i cant never change or get back.

  3. with you on that one

  4. waiting for a long time for something good is better that getting it so soon …..
    dont lose hope….the moment you lose your hope that moment you turn away from the right man for you….

    THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO ARE GOOD …..and bad (i agree with you on that one..)

    You dont have to wait for the right person…you can look always look out for that person..maybe that person too had problems with ”some girls” and must be thinking that the majority of girls he meet are jerks too … maybe that guy is waiting for someone to come…..


  5. Don’t fear to date… yes you had a bad experience, but not all boys are like that. You just met the wrong guy. Sometime you will find someone who treats you right and will truly like you for who you are, not for what they want.

  6. I love how opened you are to talk about this, bravo to you, stay strong there are good guy out there! If you need to talk message me i’m always here to listen and not judge!

  7. I’m not gonna say I know how you feel ‘cos I’ve never loved someone like that before, but If I can offer some advice? I would say not to give up on the entire male population yet, one day you might find a guy who treats you how you should be treated, who would rather cuddle than kiss, or hold your hand instead over your waist. But the point is, when you do find that person, if they’re meant to be with you, then they should make sacrifices as well.

    I hope I’m not being too pushy with my advice, but if I am I apologize. You seem like a great person.

  8. i know exactly what you feel like
    i has something similar

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