July 1, 2016 in My Blog

I think I may have a problem, and I don’t know what to do about it. I try not to do it but I find myself doing it anyway and it’s not healthy. I’ve always been small, I’m small boned I get it from my fathers side of the family. I’m shorter only 5’4 and according to my doctor due to my high metabolism i’m not underweight.  Which is fine if the doctor says i’m healthy than i’m healthy but i don’t feel like some of my habits are. When I entered middle school I weighed 56 pounds, and when i entered my freshman year of high school i didn’t even weigh 100 pounds. Due to this i was bullied, the upperclassmen called me anorexic and i became obsessed with my weight because of it. It got to the point where I didn’t let anyone talk about my eating habits or my weight. It was and still is off limits.

Fast forward to 10th grade I was depressed. I hated myself and I wanted to die. I started to skip meals, I ate so little but my parents never questioned it. I hated the doctors for every time i stepped on the scale the nurses gave me a disapproving look. being 5’4 and less than 100 pounds was not good. No one questioned it though, and i did start to eat more after some convincing from my friend. It’s not like I meant to skip meals though, I just forgot. I didn’t feel hungry and no one forced me to eat.

Now in 2016 i am still 5’4 and i weigh 101.6 pounds according to my scale. I realized something about my eating habits, i can control how much i eat. If something makes me upset i won’t eat and not be affected that much by it, but sometimes i do the opposite and shove my face full until i want to puke. I often have to be reminded to eat and am often questioned on if i ate. I can easily avoid those questions, my mom never makes me eat.

I was really upset the other day. I had a party and no one showed and it hurt me a lot. People who said they were coming didn’t and with no reason. I forgot to eat, or didn’t feel like eating. After three days of not having a proper meal I ate some MnM candy. It felt like I had pebbles in my stomach. That’s not a good feeling, and as I sit here right now skipping yet another meal I realize this isn’t really normal. I’m scared it’s getting out of control, like i’m losing the little control I have left of my life. Every time I stand up I get really dizzy and my vision goes black. The thought of eating grosses me out and seeing food makes me sick.

I don’t know what to do. A normal person would just talk to their parents but my mom doesn’t care. She does but she does’t want to get me helped. I have talked to her before about me seeing a therapist and she said she didn’t want her daughter to be taking anti-depressants. Any other person would just eat but I can’t. I look in the mirror and i can count my ribs and i feel disgusted but i can’t bring myself to eat. I really don’t know what to do and it seems like no one even cares. All i know is that in a few short months i’m going to go to college and no one is going to remind me to eat.



15 responses to Help?

  1. HEYYY
    i want to help you but i guess i’m late seeing as this was posted on 2016 and now it”s 2017 , just wanted to check
    hope you’re feeling better

  2. and by the way im 5’4 too but that doesn’t make me heat myself

  3. don’t give up im sure you can get better and im sure that you are SO PRETTY so just remind you self to eat drink jucsis drink milk little by little set an alarm to remind you watch more cooking shows smell the food im SURE you can do it

  4. well tell your mother that you wont take the peals you just want to see what the doctor thinks and do you remember somebody said you were fat even when you weren’t and you started not eating well now you have to realize your getting super thin and it wont look pretty so when you realize it you will start t eat like that time that you stopped eating and force you self to eat even if you get sick just eat!

  5. i care… i feel the same way about myself as well i’m always here if you want a chat!
    hope you feel better!
    i was also just wondering how you start a blog?

  6. Care for yourself keep a record of your eating keep alarms do everything that you need to do this is your chance to make a change in your life and take total control of it. Don’t give up love yourself I know you are a great person.

  7. Look .. I don’t think u need to over think about it..
    Cause 5’4 is not a big issue there are many with this height even many celebrities
    What you have to do is feel good about who you are. Confidence is the real beauty. And if you don’t love yourself, u can’t be confident.
    Weight- not eating or overeating isn’t a solution.
    You have to eat what suits you, what you find is healthy. You may not look fat or thin but with proper eating you will be healthy irrespective of weight. You have to love yourself to be loved.. You have to show some respect for yourself then only you will get what you want

  8. i was facing depression at a point in time last 2 years ….i stopped eating ,tried to kill myself,hated everyone ,hated myself……felt isolated and alone….always crying…..but now i got help…i overcame all my problems with the help of my parents and God…… parents took me on outing ,always looking for a way to get me out of my room….i felt alive and reborn …

  9. i have a friend who did the same thing and she decided that she would go to the mobile clinic she didn’t need a parent so if you do a little research you could find someone who could provide you with the help you need and your mother wouldn’t need to be there I wish you the best

    love TrinityTornado

  10. I just wanted to say that I understand, I skip out on meals (mostly breakfast and lunch) and I’m also 5’4. I’m currently underweight and for awhile now my mom has been threatening to send me to a rehab center, she thinks I have an eating disorder, and while I might it hurts my feelings. I have depression and anxiety and so she automatically assumes that I have an eating disorder. She forced me to eat even if I’m not hungry and sometimes she won’t let me leave the table until I’ve finished all of my dinner. Which is BS since my younger sister gets away with only eating half her dinner sometimes.
    Anyways I don’t really have any advice, but if you need someone to talk to you can always message me. 🙂

  11. there are plenty of groups that you can go to and doctors that you can visit that will get you the proper help you need!

  12. look this is a really tough situation and i understand being short and really small i’m about to be a senior in high school and i’m not even close to 100 pounds.. i get it it sucks to look in the mirror and be disgusted with the way you look. But skipping meals is in no way the way to help.. set alarms on your phone to remind you to eat if you have to. if you keep skipping meals you won’t get better you’ll only get worse.. there’s always someone to talk to. If you ever want to you can talk to me i absolutely wont judge because i don’t know you or your story so i don’t have that right as a human.. just don’t skip any more meals please

  13. I’m depressed and I started eating less at one point, not as bad as you but I kind-of understand it. Here’s how I view it, at least eat enough to keep you alive until you can get yourself help and if you need to talk to someone know that I will listen, you can do it! <3

  14. Did you ask your dad for help..? What about that friend who convinces you once into eating food IN THE SECOND PARA?
    I am not the one to talk to…obviously ..but i am just trying to help

    Skipping meals is just not right .. never skip your breakfast or meals…
    You mentioned in the third para that seeing food makes you you can start eating everyday little food…atleast a little…day by day or week by week make it a little more thank you can eat..if you cant eat that much amount..reduce it…and increase it again..till you reach your goal..
    Smoothies, milkshakes are also advisable…they are drinks they can replace food once in a while..they are refreshing

    You can probably trying……cooking on..your own( with some help from somewhere or someone of course).. this might not be easy..but you can try ..and eat your own food (tasting first) and probably sharing it if you think is good… this might make you feel a bit better

    This is both a mental and physical problem…to be honest
    If no one is helping you…we are all here…

    Even if no one might support you…. there will be out there in front of your eyes one day…wait..or make new friends.. slowly by being kind to people…discuss you problem once you have made a good friend..or talk to a teacher you like very much….or someone else you know..other than your parents..someone who makes you feel..comfortable.

    You say no one is there.. maybe you should deal with it own your own until the right people come along in your life..or some people will turn their heads towards you soon

    Until then i can keep advising you
    Try to eat food you like (if there is such a thing) and food you dont like little by little
    And remain calm.. it might take sometime to develop a new lifestyle..but once you do you will be glad..(hopefully)
    I shall pray for you..

    I shall end with some quotes ”the journey of a thousand miles began with a small step” ”if there is a will there is a way” ”life is all about proving who you are to others” ”keep trying till you succeed”

    Whatever i said might not be helpful or wont work maybe….but i really hope from my heart that you will get better…i am here supporting you..seriously… i am.

    P.S. YOU CAN DO IT! 🙂

  15. Bree said on July 3, 2016

    I’m not sure who would be the best to go to so, I’d just say go to a therapist and see what they say. I’ve never had anything too similar to that… I’m really sorry I’m not too helpful but, I felt bad not to respond. I have a friend who lives on a whole other continent than me so, things are different. For her, a therapist can prescribe you meds. For me, a therapist can suggest them, but only a psychiatrist can prescribe them. I’m not sure that medication would be suggested but, it’s not a bad thing. I was given medication and I’m doing much better.
    You can mention that medication would make you uncomfortable so, if it’s not really necessary, then you’d like to skip it.
    You need to get some type of help with that or you’ll start to get really weak. Being dizzy is an example of that.

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